Sunday, November 16, 2008

This Too Shall Pass

I know I'm in trouble when my house is a mess. My surroundings reflect the chaos that is in my head (and my heart). Every time I start making progress putting things away and clearing out a little space, I step back into disorganization. I don't like living this way. I have to force myself to straighten up and fly right.

I finally read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle last week, and it spoke to me, literally (it was an audio book). I don't remember the chapter, but disc 6 was my breaking point. He spoke about pain bodies and how we hang on to things that happen to us and try to force them on other people, like the saying "Misery loves company." He said 4 words that made my heart smile and lifted the cloud that was in my head. This too shall pass. Now, I know that is not a new concept, but that is exactly what I needed to hear at that time. His point was that we should constantly think on those words no matter what is happening in our lives. Whether things are good or bad, they will pass and life goes on. My tears dried up and I smiled genuinely for the first time in weeks.

I was/am grieving a loss that I wasn't prepared for (like people really prepare for that). I was sad and hurt, and I took it personally, even though it had nothing to do with me (which is what hurt most). I guess that's pretty selfish. I thought I was all cried out, but the tears still escape sporadically. I love a man who says he loves me, but I told him we couldn't be together. I would like to think that was the right decision, but my tears and the hole in my heart are making me seriously doubt that decision. We spent less time together after that because he didn't want to semi-date me. I still wanted to hang out with him as friends. The last day we spent together recently was definitely one of my top 3 times with him. Actually, it might have been the best ever. It was easy, so easy.

All I can think is that things happen for a reason. There are no coincidences.

I was so distraught after writing my last post that I forgot to add a song. I'm doubling up this time.

Thank You for being a friend
Travel down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
Thank you for being a friend
-Golden Girls theme song

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
-Corrine Bailey Rae


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