Sunday, May 06, 2007

I'm Clever

It has taken me several days to type this line. I first thought about blogging 3 days ago and couldn't put my words together. I'm still unsure of what I want to say even though I consider myself to be well-spoken and articulate. I have so many thoughts and emotions bubbling underneath the surface waiting to burst out at any moment.

Once upon a time, there was a beautifully intelligent, young woman. She was admired by both men and women. However, she was troubled. She was troubled because she found it difficult to open herself up to anyone, especially men. She made friends with men easily, but it was hard to transition from "just friends" to "more than friends" and to show her vulnerabilities. There were many factors that led to her distrust of other people that were so entangled that she didn't know which string to pull to undo the knot. She wanted to break free from the fear of being hurt by someone she trusted. Her best friend told her that the real problem was that she wanted to trust people to be good and do what's right instead of trusting them to be themselves. She wanted to trust people to be honest and straightforward, but most people only said what they thought she wanted to hear.

When I was a child, I would ask my mother to tell me bedtime stories, and they almost always started out, "Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in the projects..." Then, I would say, "Mama, is this story about you?" Her stories were always about her life. What kind of stories will I tell my children? I want to tell my children love stories. I want to tell them their birth stories and the story behind their names. I want to tell my children that they were conceived in love and that they were wanted. I want to tell about their mother and how she worked to achieve her goals. I will tell them about their father and how he was a great man that loved his family. I will tell my children of the young woman who thought she would never be able to trust a man and how she overcame that obstacle.

So, I said all that to say what? I have no idea. All I know is that I want to move to another level.

I was just waiting for your phonecall
When they came along to say
That a rose done chased you clear away

You had said I was gamine
But we didnt mean the same thing I think
Broke my choux pastry heart
Guess life's no picture postcard

One for sorrow
Two for joy

Sometimes you win (ooh)
Sometimes you lose
Don' t wanna lose you
Don't even own ya, yeah
I just wanna stay right here
Until never dawns, yeah

I was just waiting for your answer
Still, you made your own apologies
I cried so much I had to leave

Three for a girl
Four for a boy, oh

Sometimes you win (ooh)
Sometimes you lose
Don't wanna lose you, yeah
Don't even own you
I just wanna stay right here
Until never dawns, yeah Oooooh Oooooh

- Corrine Bailey Rae


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