Friday, September 29, 2006

Random Thoughts

I can't breathe. I have a cold and I can't breathe through my nose. I keep touching my forehead to see if I have a fever. Maybe it's time to go to sleep, but it's just 9:06pm. I can't go to sleep this early. Actually, I have before, but I just don't want to get in bed yet. I am home alone on a Friday night. I don't feel like going out anyway. Today, I picked up dinner from a restaurant I discovered a couple of months ago. The last time I was there, I met a guy that I thought was attractive. I called the restaurant a week later and asked him if he wanted to go to a festival with me. He told me he was surprised, and happy, that I called. That was my first time ever doing something like that. He didn't call me back. Today, he told me he was sorry he didn't call and asked me about the event. I was cordial. I didn't throw it in his face.

Last night, an old friend called. I usually have to initiate contact with him (and most of my other male friends), but I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I call people that I haven't talked to in a while or I send an egreeting to a bunch of old friends. I do it because I want to let them know that they are on my mind. I also do it because I hope that they return the favor. I know that's selfish, but sometimes I need to know that I am on someone's mind too. Why am I crying? What was so deep about that?

Last week, one of my friends said that I'm an Ice Princess because things don't get to me. I'm probably the most sensitive person she knows - I just don't show it. What's the point in showing people how I feel all the time? They don't care anyway.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...
Last night my nephew called my mother "MyMy", her preferred grandmother name. She said he also tried to say, "I love you". I miss them. It seems like half the women at work are pregnant. I hung out with my friend's 3-year old last weekend. She's so smart and funny. She made (pretend) cake for me and we drank (pretend) tea. We sang songs together too. My years of watching PBS (to this day) came in handy. I felt so silly. We had so much fun together.

I'm watching 20/20 and they're talking about gender differences and sex. They are talking about the myth surrounding men desiring more sex and women desire less. Thirty percent of women have a low sex drive. "Women need a context to have sex." We have to be with the right person, in the right mood, at the right time. We can have sex without an orgasm and still be happy. It's all about the emotional connection. We can have emotionless sex too, but that doesn't last very long. At some point, you stop and say that you need a deeper connection. Sex is more than physical. It's hard to tell someone that when they are used to having things (you) their way. It hurts knowing that they don't really want you when you tell them it's over.

Something good is going to happen to me.

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
- Christina Aguilera


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